チャロンの世界

At 10am yesterday, that final presentation officially marks the end of my Polytechnic life. I am a certified Pharmacist Technician under the training of NUH; my Final Year Project came to the end too (?).

Throughout the whole Year 3, a lot of things had happened that changed the Present. Since around July, I have stopped blogging and what remained on my mind after that was just all school work with occasional cheer ups by people from the Toastmasters as well as Esther, Jing Yee during the holidays.

Year 1 just seemed like yesterday. I still can remember very clearly the first few days of my freshman year- the awkwardness that I experienced when I first entered classes; navigating my way around the school compound, afraid to look at people in the eye; being so conscious of how I present myself and how other think of me. 3 years passed and it seemed that Polytechnic changed me so much. Those thoughts that I used to entertained in the past, were gone. The feeling is just like how the ugly duckling evolved into a swan and finally into an eagle, soaring high up in the sky.

I think that almost all the wrong decisions in my Polytechnic life turns out to be some of the biggest turning point in my life. One question was asked on the 2nd last paper by a person whom I hated to the core in Year 1, which in the end we all end up in the same clique, to my friend. "What have you achieve at the end of 3 years?" She was not able to really answer it as she was more a more of an inactive person in class. However, this came to me, how much I have really achieved. Other than on the papers, what else have I achieved.

What I could remembered in Year 1 was just an unconfident and practical me, who participates in activities for the rewards and if I do not do well in it, I will just quit it. Basically, I was like a sheep who lost it's direction in life, just heading towards the direction that the rewards can lead it. Thinking back, taking a detour in life, might just make you learn and experience more things than the direct conventional way. However, how many people realised this? So practically, Year 1 was just school, home and teaching tuition with minimal amount of time spent in school. School just seemed really like a place just for study and no other activities. Maybe for something that I did for the first time, Gymming. This was also the first thing that I believe that it is one of the wrong decision made but it was one of the biggest turning point. Why was it a wrong decision? I chose it because one of the people, who I got to know in the first day of class, chose it. In the end, I came to a conclusion that I obviously cannot click with that person and we didnt talk even in class after that.

So what is the point of choosing something that I dont want to join and just make myself awkward there? Speaking of which, I have to thank someone whom I got to know in my CATS class as he became my friend in both my CATS and what I known as, PE class. At least, that made me felt much more better because I know that I know someone who wanted to know me sincerely. As part of the PE class to-dos, other than attending class weekly, we need to clear the targets for the weight training that they set for us as well. I started to hit the gym on top of the boring life I had and that was when things start to change for the better. Shedding the look ,which you dont even like it yourself, is just like atoning for the worst sin that you can get. With this, confidence was built up gradually and the new self was born.

Times changed and the passive me turned into a proactive me. Looking out for chances to always upgrade myself and stand out from the crowd. So other than doing just a Diploma Plus in Japanese, Diploma Plus in Chemistry was attempted when I was going on to Year 2. This was also the time where the tables were turned. To me, Diploma Plus in Chemistry exposed how realistic and practical people are without integrity. Just for the results, how lowly can one get.

In Year 2, I broke away from the clique I was in and hopped among clique to clique in class, just like the sand that fills up the gaps. Being a class representative at that time, feels totally out of place where you need stay professional and calm when you deal with some people that you know obviously is out to dig you. Whether true or not, I believe that its up to one's integrity? On a side note, at least I have more time to focus on my Reaction Mechanism I for semester 1 of Year 2 with the exemption of one IS module due to my Diploma Plus in Japanese.

It was also the first time where I spent my 6 weeks holiday overseas doing modules. On top of Traditional Chinese Medicine and Overseas Immersion Experience, Reaction Mechanism II was done as a self study module over there which obviously, we didnt manage to clear it in time. I still remembered that when I came back to Singapore, I was so scared of failing it because I wanted my Diploma Plus in Chemistry. Thankfully, Dr Koh extended the examination date for us till common test period which I had a overload of 8 modules, inclusive of my Diploma Plus modules for that semester. I&E was being a bitch with an asshole lecturer. All in all, semester 2 still ended with a good note. I still can remember very clearly on my last paper, it was also the day where Gurion invited us to his place for dinner and his culinary skill is superb. In addition, a new friend was known even though she is a lecturer and she is none other than Ms Hor. Until now, Jasmine and I still keep in touch with her, together with some of our classmates, going out for meals to catch up over the table.

Then here comes the hell in Year 3 where I think everyone fumbled over the absence of past year papers and attachment. It was also the first time I failed one of my modules for Common Test and mixing up the day for examination for the same module also. I cannot believe how epic was that? In addition, I mugged like hell for JLPT N4, which I was supposed to do N5 for the level that the school cleared me up to. The exam was really tough for me such that I really braced myself that I will fail the paper. When results came in February, I was astonished to find that I actually scraped pass by 1 mark.

I couldnt help but to feel that I am really lucky for this. FYP did not went as well as I wanted to because of the failure to carry out lab work. However, the ending was a suprising one, which Ms Mrinal disclosed to us during our Closing Ceremony, that our research was mentioned by Professor Monteith to be published.

Now, research will be continued and I am looking forward to seeing my paper in the medical journal. Although it will take around 1 year from what I heard from Dr Tan, I believe that this slogging will be worth it because it will contribute to the scientific field forever with my name on it.

All in all, I think that these 3 years was a wonderful one with all the precious people around me. Now, I have another place to reside in if I have any problem and that is my Toastmasters. I cannot thank them for how much support they have given me in Year 3. Its just like how Ms Rajoo put it during our thanksgiving to her that time. A "thank you" will just cheapen the atmosphere. All I can say is that, I will continue to give back to the club as much as I can, and achieve my CC and above.

For now, I can only hope for the best for my University Application... In the meanwhile, continue to pursue my dreams in my Japanese and whatever that I wanted to do after this graduation.

"Life is an Adventure or Nothing at all."

Sometimes, the safest route might be the one that will end you up with nothing. (^-^)V

Reminised @ 23:42

Its ages since I really sat down properly to blog even on the other blog I mentioned in the post before.

Gosh, how did I lose the motivation to record my thoughts down. Maybe FYP and Year 3 is really driving me up the wall, especially after my results last semester. Well, at least I have to thank the people who are around me when I was like at the valley of depression or for unwinding and chilling with me; finding out what happened in my life.

I think I shall do a Thanksgiving post for 2010, which I did not do for Christmas, in combination with New Year Resolutions for 2011.

To my Family:

As much as I want to say that I hate you for what

happened yesterday night; what is the state now at home; how naggy you can get when I handle my life in another way that it shouldnt be, I still have to be thankful for you bringing me to this point of life now, whether materialistically or spiritually. Without you, I will not be where I am now. I just hope that you can understand my stand regarding my social life and work more.

Especially to my dad, no one sane will want to stay out late for no reason. Even if its something bad that is bothering you on the mind and make you want to stay out, that is considered as one of the reasons. I am very thankful to you that you drive me to school almost everytime so that I can rest more. However, you need to understand that I am using the time that I rest more, to accomplish more things. That is just the way I handle time.

To my mum, I only wish that you can stop nagging me about my room because as compared to others, the state of mine is so much better that people are complaining that I am being too neat. I know that I might be home late for dinner at times, but I still enjoy your cooking the most as compared to the days I have to eat out due to your workshift.

To Alumni Choir:

I know that last year, I have not been committing much to it. At one point of time, I really feel like just isolating it and move on. It has been very tiring but yet fulfilling ever since we started. However, I need the rest because I feel really tired making things work alone. As much as the level of satisfaction I got from making Seasons, something significant that happened to the alumni, was high; however I am sad to say that, this year's camp has been nothing memorable but just a burden to me because this is the first time where I am feeling that the sacrifices are not paying off.

To make things worse, Tang Weng Yee has to make things even more difficult. If anyone or she is the one who is viewing this, I dont give a fucking damn about it. The biasness is already there, so it doesnt matter how much worse it gets on me. Just dont get me flared up, because you dont ever know how I can lay traps for you to walk in. I believe that getting into the MOE's web is something you dont want to do. To end off, all I can say is that, I will make myself to continue believe in the goal we have, for a better future. A leader is always lonely, unless there are people along with you also.

To Ngee Ann Polytechnic Student Toastmasters Club:

9 months in office and 3 more months, I will be out. This is the place I have to thank, as in really those kind where I kneel down and kowtow, because without them, I will not be the Competant Leader I am now that is confident, 75% outspoken, daring and open-minded to all topics you can talk over the table.

Definitely not forgetting to mention the following people- Gurion, Hafiz, Kim, Evelyn, Dennis, Sofian and Pierre; for being there when I needed the support the most. If you guys werent there during that darkest period, I might really have went crazy. I must mention Kim in particular because she is just like my brother and I am just like her sister when it comes to serious problems or issues. Hopefully, I am able to come back as the club mentor like Gurion for this year, but I know that I wont be as good as him with all the speeches he can give in any type of occasions. Oh well, at least I know that this team definitely one of the best ones to work with.

To Esther & JY:

The 2 sister-s that I known for like 5 years and running. Last year was a very fruitful year with a lot of new photos taken and learning at some basic photography skills under you. At least now I have more confidence with and infront of the camera. This is the final lap where we will pursue different things after that again. Let this bond stay strong even after I-dont-know-how-many years and I still want to hire you guys as my photographers next time. So, when is the next photoshoot?

To The Guys:

Last year frankly speaking, it wasnt such a good one to me. Well, I guess I have myself to blame for getting ruled by the emotions and not the head. However, nonetheless, times with you guys are still as rowdy and funny as usual. Especially when you have Cliff and Boon Tat. However, one thing I really need to tell you guys is that I am tired and I need people to share the burden. And to you, if you are reading this, there is a lot more to what I am actually doing now. You wont wanna get the same withdrawel symptoms as well.

To my Kakis in 3P01:

Thanks for all those medical lame jokes that we have been making in class. I think we really need some quadruple therapy soon. Its the final lap, so lets just sprint for the last one! Lets go drinking (coffee/cocktails) sometime soon!

I think I have a lot of people whom I need to thank but I shall only list the more important ones out.

Now, for the most important part for this year, 2011! I think as usual, I have tonnes of things that I want to do but I will end up only completing a few. I shall do the checklist of my 2010 resolutions first.

[?] Apply for NUS/NTU Degree in Science Chemistry - Application is this year.
[X] Maintain GPA above 3 and close to 3.5 and above - Year 3 Semester 1 is already... Sigh...
[O] Complete Intermediate Japanese 202 - More or less confirmed even though it hasnt ended.
[X] Do a good Final Year Project - Define GOOD. This is already a fail because its not specific enough.
[O] Clear at least 5 Projects for Toastmasters - Yes! I finally did my P5 on Christmas Eve's eve.
[X] Get at least a Silver for NAPFA - Whatever~
[?] Commit more time and do up AC - I will consider this fail.
[O] Know more definitions of Life - Definitely, especially under the guidance of Mr Wu Tuck Seng.
[?] Hold on to as many of the dearest ones I am blessed in life - Not for me to decide.
[X] Get back my income of at least $300 - FAIL. I need a job now.
[O] More gatherings - Gather until I went broke. What do you think?
[O] More shopping - Refer to the point before this.
[O] More fine dining - Refer to the 2 points before this.

Alright, I shall more specific goals for this year and shall not be that general, just like my research paper requires.

[] Apply for NTU Chemistry in February
[] Achieve GPA 3.5 and above for this semester
[] Continue with Japanese after graduation
[] Get JLPT Level 4 Certificate
[] Buff up before Prom Night
[] Get into OCS/Medic Specialist for NS
[] Self learn Korean
[] Save at least $1k
[] Go clubbing before NS
[] Returning to NPSTMC as Club Mentor
[] Get my Competant Communicator
[] Complete my driving license

I shall add on if I think of anymore. In any case, this will be a busy year.

Reminised @ 02:11

It's time that I decided that I want to get back the Chinese writing skills I used to have. After blogging a few posts in Chinese, I think that it is still the best language I mastered, which I can just sum up and hit the vital spot with words that can contain malice in it.

Definitely, switching to a domain that allows posts to be locked and related person can view under password is way much better, being that it protects the privacy to the internet.

If there is anyday that I wish to blog in English, this blog will still be in use.

Until then, チャロンの感慨 shall be in use.

Reminised @ 02:40

I think I seriously need to blog again. I have been stagnant for so long?

Maybe, I should blog as soon as I free up time after FYP.

Reminised @ 23:48

Finally, I am onto my PDL after another like half a year after my Basic Theory Test.

I cannot describe how lucky I am for today because I mugged like 2 days ago and I managed to get 45/50. The questions I got was easy also as most of them were like repeated concept questions. I have not been blogging like so often now because I seriously felt lost on what to blog about?

Hmm... Maybe is because the Toastmasters people who went to Vietnam are not around plus Esther and Jing Yee are both on attachment. Sigh...

Reminised @ 21:45

Finally after today, I can breathe better with lesser things on my neck.

The past few days are like crazy because of loads of emails to settle for the club and now, most of the things are over, leaving the camp to settle. The contest today was great and the humour was so much better than what I heard at the Z5 Contest last week. Richard's speech was the one that really won the contest almost hands-down because he was talking about Singapore's Culture. His wordplay and drama packed a great deal of punch to it and we just cant stop laughing about it.

However, the thing I want to do the most is to congratulate Kim and Danial for winning the 1st Runner-ups for the club in this contest! Although we had lost to Raffles Town Club again, but I believe with a few more years of training, we will be able to overtake them even we graduate from the school already. We need more experience; more exposure to hone our skills.

Even though I doubt that I will have the chance to represent the club in any time from now, I believe that bringing in the fresh blood and making that the club still continue to prosper is one of the more important long term goals. As said by Mae Hyang in Hwang Jinyi also, "A good leader not neccessary must be one who is the best performer; but the one who is able to identify other's potential and accept them of being better than you."

Finally tomorrow onwards, I shall go all out for the work I need too complete already. Maybe I should start to study like how I do for my examinations.

Reminised @ 23:20

Best news you can get during holidays is that you will be working temporarily for 10 days and you get money.

Reminised @ 18:10

南里侑香のピアノ

The melody is just so melancholic.

小さな貝殻一つ
飾る海のピアノ
寂しいラムネのような
音符がほら
毀れ出す

何を恋しがって
この胸は泣くのだろう
愛を飲み干したら
もう海の底には
遠く

波音に誘われて
爪弾く青いピアノは
逝く春の思い出を
このまま戯れに
懐かしむ

一番好きな曲だけ
引けずにいたずっと
あなたが教えてくれた
音符がもう
見えなくて

愛を恋しがって
この胸を泣くのです
肩に優しい手を
未だ待っていたくて
独り

波音に誘われて
寄り添ういは離れる和音
この指が紡ぐのは
悲しい歌ばかり

波音寄せて返し
爪弾く青いピアノは
逝く春の思い出に
貴方の掌を
懐かしむ

Reminised @ 14:38

It strikes back again.
What should I do when the allergen is the antidote?

I was never anguished when you want to out talk me; neither will I be when you want to throw a temper. It will, only be when I was ignored or seeing one walking down a path of condemn.

I wont be the one leaving you; but will you do the same?

Reminised @ 22:41

The whole of last night was traumatising. Even it was just a secondary degree friend, I felt it as much as if it was someone I knew.

Out of the sudden last night, I feel like just telling everyone that I hold close to me, I love you. I really, really love you for being in my life and I wont ever want to lose you guys.

Dream as if you are going live forever; Live as if it is the last day of your life. You might not know what might just happen the next moment.

Reminised @ 23:38

Once again, fate had shown us how life can just end so abruptly.

This feeling is just like how I was feeling when I came back from China last year. I felt that disappointment, that others feel, when someone that is just so close to them leaving them forever. When that person was still on Facebook, accepting friend requests, replying to threads and most importantly, thanking people for their birthday dedication to him.

It's totally identical to talking to your dearest ones on MSN or phone and the next thing you know is that, they are gone. Forever. That disappointment and sadness one will feel. This is the reason why, I learned to really take everything, everyone more seriously before, because what they do for you are not something to be taken for granted. It can be taken away just by something that we think it wont hit us anytime.

May the stars bless the deceased.

Reminised @ 01:58

The birthday celebration for Sofy Montana is epic.

Full moon tomorrow. Maybe it shall be sometime for card reading?

Reminised @ 22:40

I got dragged to Tampines today just to accompany Long Huai to cut his hair at my salon. Its not really that bad afterall as I know how much it costs to dye and cut my hair next month? I am really looking forward to dyeing my hair silver ash this time.

After which, we went to Crystal Jade, which they are having 20% off during teatime to have our lunch. Apparently, I need to control my temptation for food more as we ordered a 2 person set meal which costed me $20. Argh... It's like whenever I saved up to $100, I will have something to spent on and it will spoil e streak. However, the lunch is really filling.

I have like 1 month more to NAPFA. I should be going for running everyday already but apparently, the motivation is not with me.

Reminised @ 20:12

I feel the same all the way.

Reminised @ 21:12